Are you ready for an ugly truth? Gossip. We’re all guilty of it at some point, myself included. It can sneak up on you in daily interactions, seeming harmless, but causing wakes of hurt, destruction, and broken relationships for those involved.
I will never forget my first real experience with gossip and the hurt that came from the half-truths spread about me. I was 10 years old, it’s been over 2 decades and I can replay the situation vividly in my mind. I imagine anyone on the receiving end of that kind of hurt understands the pain, embarrassment, and shame that follows the lies. But, gossip isn’t always a lie, is it? Does that make it ok? As long as the information you are spreading about another is factual; can you convince yourself it’s not gossip or even worse, that the person deserves it?
In my opinion, sharing shameful information about another person (or group of people), true or not, is unjustifiable and should be avoided. It’s hard, I get it. Spreading gossip and being involved in those conversations makes some people feel included or even valued. Some people may engage in these types of conversations as a way to deflect attention from themselves. I’ve been that person too. One thing to keep in mind though - anyone who is willing to talk negatively about someone else with you is capable of (and most likely is) doing the same thing to you.
It wasn't until I was older and started investing in friendships with women of God that I began to realize the devastation of gossip and how friendships built on a mutual dislike of others are not sustainable, and truly not the kinds of relationships that you want to foster. - I don’t say that to suggest women of God are somehow better than others or without fault - because that is not the case, but we are educated in the word of God and are able to hold each other accountable in the truth of His word, respectfully.
What does God say about gossip?
I would be lying to you if I said abstaining from gossip is easy or that I (or anyone for that matter) don’t struggle with preventing the spread of rumors or gossip. Luckily for us, just like God gives us grace and forgiveness for our sins, He also gives us guidance through his word on dealing with gossip. The Bible condemns gossip as a serious sin, very unpleasing to God. In Matthew 12:36 Jesus says, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.” Yikes - If that doesn’t make you step back and consider the words you have spoken to and about others I’d be shocked. Additionally, Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences-” So, not only will we be judged on the words we have spoken, but we will also face consequences for those words. I don’t know about you, but to me the moral of that story is - keep your mouth shut unless the words you are speaking are full of kindness and grace. Grandma was right when she said, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Remember that.
What about listening to gossip?
Proverbs 17:4 states, “a wicked person listens to deceitful lips, a liar pays attention to destructive tongue.” - With that truth, I personally would avoid being on the receiving end of gossip or rumors about others. Is it worth climbing the social ladder? What do you think? Consider how you would feel if the information being spread was about you or someone you care for.
I will say this over and over again... If you are seated at a table where other people's downfalls, short comings, or faults are the topic of conversation - you can be certain that when you are not seated at that table YOU are the topic of conversation. Choose your table wisely.
The Damage of Gossip.
Not only do rumors or gossip potentially harm the reputation of those it is about, but it can also have a domino effect on other areas of a person's life as well. It can destroy families or relationships, it can cause someone to lose their job and the financial stability for themselves or their family, and it can cause extensive mental health problems. Victims of gossip are reported to suffer from anxiety, depression, and even suicide as a result of information falsely spread about them. Your words are powerful, like a sword. Whoever said, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” must have never been the victim of rumors or gossip.
How do we move forward?
First and foremost acknowledge your own sin and ask for forgiveness. - I have yet to meet anyone who is not guilty of this sin in one way or another. In addition to asking for forgiveness, ask God to guide you as you navigate situations involving gossip in the future.
Don’t join in. Don’t spread it. Proverbs 26:20 says, “Where there is no fuel, a fire goes out; where there is no gossip, arguments come to an end.” By not continuing to share the information, eventually the gossip or rumor will die out. The more people who refuse to participate, the better off everyone will be.
“Stay away from gossips - they tell everything.” Proverbs 20:19. Seems pretty self explanatory to me.
Keep information that others share with you about themselves in confidence between the two of you. Remember that when people confide in you, they could be opening themselves up to you in a very vulnerable state. This is a time for you to lift them up and encourage them, not cause them more pain by sharing intimate details of their life with others. Be faithful, trustworthy, and loyal. Be the person you would want to confide in if you were in the other person's shoes.
Set an example to others that is pleasing to God. Walk in the Spirit. We are not called to judge others, even those who spread gossip. Remember they will have to answer for their sin and you will answer for yours. Walk away from situations involving gossip. By not providing an outlet to someone attempting to spread gossip you can prevent further spread. Respectfully remind or educate the person spreading the gossip or rumor about God’s word - this serves a great opportunity to minister to others. Use these conversations as a way to build others up and point them back to the truth of God’s word.
If this article helped you or if you still have questions, I would love to speak with you about your experience. Comment below or email me if you would prefer to speak privately.
Thank you for reading - God bless!
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