Advice and tips for mending a rocky relationship
It should come as no secret that long term relationships and marriages are hard. Once the initial infatuation or “the honeymoon phase” fades it’s easy for your relationship to fall into a rut. Throw in the pressure of a mortgage, kids, careers, and all the other responsibilities life is known to have and you could find your relationship with your spouse depleting quickly.
I, for one, have been there. And I can tell you from my personal experience it’s not a fun place to be. However, because I have been there I can share my truth with you. My hope is that if you are reading this, you are nowhere near a relationship rut and you are working proactively to keep your relationship on a high. But, if you’re on the other end of the pendulum and you happened upon this article in hopes of reviving your relationship, I can tell you things can definitely get better.
I’m by no means an expert. In fact, my husband and I have probably done everything the wrong way before learning what has actually worked in our marriage.With that being said, here’s the top 5 pieces of advice I have for you....
Wives - you need to respect your husbands.
I know that that statement alone can be triggering for so many women. When I heard it for the first time, I too, was PISSED OFF. I thought, “how in the hell am I expected to respect him, when he doesn’t respect me?” I remember the conversation I had with a close friend of mine when she brought up the topic of respect. She and her husband had been married longer than my husband and I. They had been through some trials and I valued her opinion. I looked up to her. But the second she told me to respect my husband despite him not showing me respect, I lost it. I told her she could take the book she was recommending and shove it. Truth. - We stopped talking after that and I went months before I actually sat down and read the book. In the end, she was right. - If you’re interested, the book she encouraged me to read is titled, “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. It is very mind opening. Don’t be a dumbass like me and forgo reading it due to stubborn pride. I will link it and the men’s version titled, “For Men Only” at the end of this article.
Be confident.
Your partner fell in love with you because you are a confident, happy person. Don’t lose that side of you. Everyone gets older, every mother’s body changes with pregnancy - embrace it. And if for some reason you can’t embrace the changes, then do something to fix it. Start exercising, start eating healthier, buy the anti-aging cream, drink more water, get the fillers. Whatever it is, do it if it will give you the confidence you need. But what you can’t do is push your insecurities off on your partner. It’s not their burden to carry, mama.
Leave. Others. Out. Of. It.
I can not stress this enough. Leave your friends out of it, leave your family members out of it, leave social media out of it, and for heaven's sake leave your kids out of it. - Your relationship is between you, your partner, and God. That’s it. I know it’s tempting to phone up your mama, or your sister, or your BFF and dish out every detail about what a pain in the ass your spouse is. I am guilty of it myself. It feels good in the moment to get everything off your chest and vent it out, but it does not come without repercussions. Eventually, those people you vent to will either get tired of your same old song and dance and quit taking you seriously, or your frustrations will build a wall between them and your partner which will make future interactions uncomfortable for everyone.
Date your spouse. Flirt with your spouse. Be intimate with your spouse.
Duh? Just because you’re married, or have been together for a long time, or have kids, or “you’re tired” - none of those are an excuse to let the spark in your relationship fizzle out. Send your partner a flirty, sexy text. Plan a romantic dinner for the 2 of you. Put the kids to bed early and meet in the bedroom - don’t forget to shave your legs and lock the door. Hah! Whatever it is, do it today, and be consistent with that effort.
Never stop improving.
This doesn’t just go for yourself, but your relationship as well. Continue to learn how to love and respect your partner. Continue to work on not holding grudges. Continue to work on being intentional. Continue to work on being positive. Continue to work apologizing. Continue to work on seeking God in your marriage. Continue to work on protecting your marriage. - You will never be perfect in any of these areas, and neither will your spouse. Accept that neither of you will be perfect in any of these areas, but strive to be great in them anyway.
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